so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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