Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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