I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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