woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize