I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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