Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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