My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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