I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
