to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
