Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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