It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
