nut hugger
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
