time to smoke my breakfast
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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