The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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