I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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