Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
