We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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