that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
