hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize