My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize