You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
