Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
