I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
