Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
