Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
