So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
