I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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