first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
