im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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