I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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