If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize