TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
