I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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