listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
