Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't turn off my feet"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
