I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
