Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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