even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
