East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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