No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
