Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
