I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
