I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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