I want to make a zoo with you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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