So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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