Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Be still, my beating vagina.
This is the high leading the old right now
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
