I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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