Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i love accidental penises.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
