Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize