Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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