I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
