I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
