I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
