saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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