I think I died a long time ago.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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