Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize