its not stalking. its research.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
