maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
