You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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