I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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