my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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