I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
