3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
