I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize