he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
