I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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