im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize