vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
a search helicopter?!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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