She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
