I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
