Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize