Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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