Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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