theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
