And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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