I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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