don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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